Sunday, August 27, 2006

Introspection

I have been on the inactive reserve list for sometime, hence the dearth of posts on this website. I have been experiencing some major changes in my life lately, all of which are potentially positive, if I keep my mind right about the situations and trust in the Lord. These changes are all legitimate excuses to have neglected posting upon a weblog, especially when you consider that as limited human beings we have to set priorities. I am happy that I prioritized my family above my blog. Nonetheless, I desperately suffer from a lack of contentment. Am I being all that I can be? Am I fulfilling my calling and fully utilizing God’s gifts? My wife jokingly calls it a mid-life crisis. My pastor’s wife says it is a spiritual crisis. In many ways, I guess they are both right. My pastor sort of smiles understandingly when I talk to him and seems behave as if he thinks the Lord is leading me on a path that only HE can, and mostly just quotes Bible verses that I need to reflect upon without providing much explanation or help beyond that. The verses he quotes end up giving me the eerie feeling that he (my pastor, who is only slightly older than I am) has been where I am now… and is also satisfied that the Lord has me right where HE wants me.

In light today’s post by Dan Phillips over at the Pyromaniacs Blog, I guess that it is not so bad that I feel “trapped” by Him. I have indeed been “brought low” and cry out to the Lord, “Do anything, but don't leave me to myself!"

As Christians, perhaps we should not be in a perpetual state of discontentment. But, righteous lack of contentment may very well be one of God’s tools to bring about progressive sanctification.

Paradoxically, I feel like every fiber of my being screams out, “HERE I AM LORD! SEND ME!” and yet HE still has not said GO.

If you are familiar with the book Pilgrim’s Progress, then you will understand what I mean when I say that I feel like I am trapped in the Interpreter’s House sitting between the children “Passion” and “Patience.”

Pray that I find the wisdom I need to develop the patience required while waiting upon the Lord.

DRB

1 comment:

Dave said...

Wow! I think I am going through the same thing you are.

I feel like I am kicking against the goads, and that I have run up against a spiritual wall so to speak.

If you want to talk over the phone or email that's fine too.